CASH APP, CASSEROLES & CONDOLENCES



I remember the way I felt, about 30 minutes after learning my father had passed away. After releasing a gut wrenching cry, holding my children closely, contacting my husband at work, and asking a friend to go to my mom’s--I felt a strange feeling. 

I felt like I was having an outer body experience. 

Even though my legs were moving and my mouth was talking, everything seemed slow and foggy. 

I knew that as an only child, everything depended on me at that moment. I would have my time to grieve later, but at that moment, there were things that needed to be done. 

As the calls, texts and questions began to pour in, I realized: 

I did not have the emotional capacity to ask for help. 

My heart was heavy. My mind was full. The last thing I needed or wanted to do was “ask for help”.

Maybe because I have friends that A.) know me well, B.) are good at caring for others, or C.) both of these. 

Within an hour:

• One friend brought deli sandwiches, fruit, and drinks for my family they knew would be coming in from all over.
• One friend sent $500 via Cash App. 
• One friend emailed a Target gift card with a message that said, “Whatever you need. Get something you want, too.” in the subject line. 
• A neighbor texted, “The girls can stay with us tonight and we’ll bring dinner tomorrow.” 
• A friend texted, “Let me know what hotel you’d like to stay in and what day you need to be there. We’ll take care of it.”.

During my father’s visitation, one friend brought water and mints to my mom and I, every 30 minutes. She wiped our faces, told us when we should sit down and take a break, and even made us eat something. 

When it comes to caring for others during a difficult time, don’t ask them to “let you know if they need anything”, just do something. 

Please hear my heart on this. This is not meant to sound cold, ungrateful, or corrective. It’s just my experience. As someone who has been in a revolving door of difficult seasons over the last few years, I can only express what I’ve come to know. 

When we expect those that are hurting to also ASK us for help, we may be placing a burden on their shoulders. 

Here’s what I believe is the best way to care for someone who is grieving, going through a hard time, or in need. 

Think. Pray. Do. 

THINK about what YOU would need if you were in their circumstances. Think about the expenses, the emotional needs, and the other people in their lives that are impacted by whatever has taken place. Evaluate your relationship with that person and evaluate what would be appropriate for you to help with. 

PRAY and ask the Holy Spirit for guidance. The Holy Spirit knows the person you want to help and can give you direction as to what can help them in that moment. 

DO what you feel led to, and are able to do.

If you must ASK anything, ask “Is it ok if I bring you some dinner? Would it be helpful if I provided some gas cards?”. 

But, truthfully, if you want to help; your help shouldn’t be dependent on the person’s willingness to ask - rather your willingness or desire to care for them at that moment. 

Think. Pray. Do. 

True compassion leads to action. 

I want to say thank you to every person who has thought enough of my family, to do anything in our time of grief and struggle. 

Meals. 

Cards. 

‘I love you.” texts.

The gift of a “getaway”. 

It all means so much. 

It all counts. 

I’m so very grateful.