I love movies. No, really. I’d sometimes rather watch a movie than take a walk, go out with friends, or even do one of those "Painting with a Twist" thing-a-ma-jigs. Most people assume I am a full on extrovert because of my big smile, random inclination to break into song and dance and my loud and slightly obnoxious laugh. However, the truth is I thoroughly enjoy my own company. I am a homebody and I recharge best at home or in a movie theater with a bin of popcorn (buttered and lightly salted of course), and peanut M&Ms close by.

 When I was growing up, I could often be found sitting on the floor in our TV room sprawled out on a blanket, ready to watch a movie with my best friend - my dad. He’d gently pop the VHS tape in, turn out the lights and turn up the volume to a level that usually caused my mom to yell from upstairs, “Butchie, please turn it down!”

One of my favorite movies, which still is to this day, was “Return to Oz.” (I’m pretty sure I just heard a collective “Never heard of it...”) You know, the dark, odd, borderline horror sequel of the classic film, “The Wizard of Oz”? Poor Dorothy Gayle is sent to a psychiatric hospital for shock treatment when she can’t seem to stop talking about her friends in OZ. Dorothy magically wakes up in OZ after a storm (imagine that) and the madness begins (again).

During one of Dorothy’s stops, on her way to rescue her friend King Scarecrow, she encounters a band of outcasts called, "The Wheelies" and a very strange princess/queen of sorts named "MOMBI". I'm emphasizing her name, because Mombi not only frightened me as a child, but still haunts me as an adult as well. You see, Mombi somehow stole the heads of beautiful women in OZ and kept them stored on shelves. At her leisure, she added a magic “powder of life” to the heads and was able to turn into whomever she chose at that moment.

 Now, Mombi is a fictional character in what most people consider to be a sub-par movie. For years, though, the Holy Spirit has used the idea of Mombi as a warning and boundary for me.

 You see, Mombi was so unhappy and dissatisfied with who she was that it created a root of jealousy and evil within her. Those things compelled her to live as someone else and violently oppose anyone who tried to stop her. She was so consumed by her own insecurities, that she didn’t even care that the kingdom she was supposedly ruling was run down, broken and cold. Her image mattered more than anything else.

Have you ever been there? Have you ever been in a place where you are so unhappy with yourself, or so driven by the opinions of others that you changed your appearance, opinions and persona to be accepted? Have you ever been so determined to “appear” to have it all together, that you’re unaware of how much things have fallen apart around you?

Psalm 51:6 (the Passion translation) says : “I know that you delight to set your truth deep in my spirit. So come into the hidden places of my heart and teach me wisdom.”

One of the keys to breaking the cycle of pretending and comparison is to invite God into the hidden places and receive His delight.

Friends, we have become so good at hiding and putting on facades that after a while, we don’t even remember who we really are. We fill the spaces of our hearts with so many illusions that we can’t see or appreciate the truth of what’s real.Mombi was miserable. Her kingdom was also miserable, but in the end those things didn't matter. She was so prideful and lost that she sold her soul to protect the lie.

If you can relate to this, in even a small way, I encourage you to do the following :
- Ask God to show you the REAL you.
- Break up with any lie or illusion that compels you to pretend.
- Open your eyes and acknowledge the areas in your life which are falling apart.

In the end, Mombi ended up being dragged away in chains and imprisoned - with her own, REAL head. The reality is, all the appearances she was trying to keep up, and charades, ended up as bondage and chains. Those things don’t add anything but misery to our lives. God didn’t send Jesus just to save you from misery.

God’s promise for your life is VICTORY and anything less is an identity forged in an illusion.

Put your HEAD BACK ON, and GET HEALED.

Kelli Kinney Brownlee - 2021